Eddie!
by afsluv
Summary: NO LONGER A ONESHOT people wanted me to write a sequel so im like, oh,ok and i did! i did! IMPORTANT AUTHOR NOTE. PLZ READ! i changed the rating cuz it is getting a little suggestive....ok thats all
1. Eddie!

**I do not know why I worte this but enjoy and r&r!! and i do not own Twilight. Stephenie meyer does. MmmK?

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Bella POV **

I was watching Viva La Bam with Edward, Jasper, and Emmett until Jasper asked, "Hey, Edward,"

"Yeah?"

" Can I call you Eddie?"

Edward was getting irritated. " No."

"Why not, Eddie?" Emmett said.

"Because I don't like the name." Edward said through clenched teeth.

"Awww... THAT'S ADORABLE!" I chirped.

"See Eddie?" Jasper said to him, "Bella says it's adorable."

"Don't you want to be adorable for Bella, Eddie?" Emmett mocked.

"Stop calling me that!" Edward growled.

"Eddie." chirped Jasper.

"Eddie!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Damn, you two are having fun, aren't you?" I said to them.

"FUCK YEAH!!"

"Eddie."

"Eddie."

"Eddie."

"Eddie."

"Ed, Edd, n' Eddy!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!" Edward bellowed.

He got up and positioned himself in a crouch to get ready to attack the two vampires beside me.

"Bella, go upstairs," Edward said to me evily, " I have some plans for you."

"But I didn't do anything: " I complained. **A/N: I know right? How could you Edward?**

"Just go, okay?" he said in an exasperated voice.

**Edward POV**

As soon as Bella was upstairs, I relaxed my stance but looked evily into Jasper's and Emmett"s eyes with a mischievious grin on my face.

"Now, as for you two..." I murmurred.

**A/N: tee hee... read on !! It looks pretty good for a 7th gr8r in honors english. Yes, that's me.**

**Jasper POV**

The pain... the searing pain...

Okay, I've seen humans doing this to humans; it didn't look that painful. But I was wrong. It _is _painful. Acually, I don't think that the word "painful" can describe this torture.

"Edward," I murmurred weakly, "please let us down."

He got up from the couch, held my jaw, and said,"Why should I, bastard?" He pushed my face away so that the right side if my face slammed into the wall.

_Damn you Edward, damn you to Hell!_

Then suddenly a pale, white, muscular fist punched me in the stomach.

**Emmett POV**

My God, so much pain.

Okay, three things I learned today:

1. Don't call Edward "Eddie".

2. If you do, he'll shove a piano leg into your balls

3. After that, he'll give you **_HUGE _**atomic wedgies.

I thought about those things until I saw Edward get up from the couch.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"To 'play' with Bella." he said menacingly **A/N: Did I spell that right:P**

**Bella POV**

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! SLOW DOWN!! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD :( " I shrieked as he spen down the road. He had stolen Rosalie's red convertable and was giving me a joyride all throught out Forks.

" But this is s0OoO0OoO0OoO0 much fun :D" Edward exclaimed.

"How fast are we going?" I asked beathlessly.

"Just a little over 120 mph. Why, you want me to floor it?"

"NO! Don't **FLOOR** it!"

"Floor it :)"

"NO!"

"Okay!"

"NO0o0O0o0O!!!!!!! D: "

"WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

_Fuck you Edward, Fuck you. _I thought as we sped down the road.

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**Yay! I hope you enjoyed it! Please review! If you do, then I'll put more stories up! I've got a whole notebook full of them! **

**So so long and go night. And if we carry on this way, things are better if i stay... I think that's how the song goes... :P tee hee... :)**


	2. tee hee

**okay, so every one wanted me to do a sequel and i did! i dont think that it's as funny as the last chapter but who gives?! you came here to read the story so go ahead after i put the disclaimer:**

**me: do i own twilight or does stephenie meyer?**

**stephenie: i do. :)**

**me: oh, ok _weeps _**

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**Bella POV**

As soon as the joyride was over, I could only think about one thing**: REVENGE**.

Edward unbuckeled his seat belt and reached over to kiss me on the lips. But I was scared stiff and wide-eyed.

"Aww, is my wittle Bella scared?" he said mockingly as his lips traced my jawline.

"Please Edward," I said breathlessly, "not now."

"Then go upstairs and rest, sweetie." 'Sweetie'? Since when did Edward call me 'sweetie'?**A/N: My friend would have been like, "Chicka-what?!" lol ;)**

After two rounds of kisses **A/N: Oooh! TWO rounds! Okay, continue. **on my neck, I went inside only to find Jasper and Emmett holding their nuts.

**Jasper POV**

_Fuck my balls, fuck my balls, fuck my balls..._ I thought as Bella came in. Emmett was rolling on the floor and growling under his breath.

"Bella," I said to her weakly.

"Yeah, Jasper?" she asked.

" Can feel what you're feeling right now. And you want revenge, right?"

"Y...eah."

"That's good, because we want revenge too."

" 'kay."

"You can start by calling Carlisle."

"Why?"

"Just say it ALREADY!" Emmett complained," Godammit, Iv'e been listening to you two talk for only three seconds and my No. 9 combo hurts even more!" **A/N: Do you get it when I say No. 9 combo? tee hee... ;D**

"Okay, fine, be that way," I scolded him," Go call Carlisle because I want him to check our No. 9 combos."

"O...kay..." She then ran off to the phone.

_Yes, finally, my balls will be saved..._

**Three Minutes Later... :)**

As Carlislie was checking my balls, he said things like, "oooh" and "tsss" and "ouch". When he was done, I asked him,"Do I need to amputate them?"

"You and Emmett both," he said grimly.

"WHAT?!"

"Nah, I'm just joshin' with ya. You don't need to amputate them but you'll feel pain for the next hour or so."

"Okay." **A/N: Just think if I made them amputate them... heh... ;)**

"Bye now. I have to return to the hospitaland cure this man from hiccups. Do you have amy suggestions, Bella?"

"Umm, scare the shit out of him?" Bella pondered.

"It's a 'her'." Carlisle corrected.

"But you said it was a man." she complained.

"No, he's gay."

"He should be bi." Emmett said.

" Why?" I aksed as I was getting up.

" If one fails, then you have the other choice."

"But what if they both fail?" Bella asked.

"Then you're screwed."

We all then went upstairs to plot our revenge as Carlisle left.

**Emmett POV**

" Okay so what are we gonna do?" Bella asked as we were settling down in Alice's room.

"Well, we could tell you secrets about him but they're really disturbing." I said.

"Hey, I'll tell you something disdurbing; My dad watches the Teletubbies and has never missed an episode. So don't tell me that Edward's secrets are 'disturbing'." she said angrily.

"Okay, umm, well, when Edward was two, he had a teddy bear named Fluffy Fuzzy Mc Fluffenstein. He has it under a floorboard in the back of his closet. When we're all gone, he takes it out and dresses it in a pink dress with a diamond studded tiara . After that, he masturebates with it. True story." I nodded and saw Bella on the floor laughing her head off.

"Bella, calm down, you're redder than Edward's shoe pumps." Jasper said.

"Oh, Crap! He has shoe pumps?! Omigod!" Bella giggled uncontrollably.

"Okay, back in 1989, we were playing dress-up with Alice. She dressed him up as a gay stripper. So then after that, he kept the shoes and he now wears them around the house with his ultra-long, black jeans." Jasper explained.

"Hey! here's a good one! Edward has a doll named Stella Anorexia!" I said.

So then we told everything about him and planned.

**Bella POV**

"Okay, is everybody ready?" I asked.

"Yes! (: " Jasper and Emmett said.

"Then let's go!" I said impatiently.

_You're goin' down, babe, You're goin' **down**..._

_

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_

**YAY! I hope everyone liked it. sorry if you don't think it's as funny as the last one but i tried. you know what to do. r&r**

**:) love ya:)**


	3. The Birds and the Bees pt 1

yay! im finnaly done with all of my projects and got an a on all of them!! and i got into njhs :D!!!! ok but youre here to read the story. i don't own twilight. stephenie meyer does. also, the school years almost done and i got my yearbook!!

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**Bella POV**

Okay, phase one, steal the teddy bear. I was going to distract him, Jasper was going to find Edward's teddy bear and steal it, and Emmett was stetting up outside.

"Ready, Bella?" Jasper asked me.

"When I'm wearing my mini-skirt, you know I'm ready." For I had gone home and changed into my pink spaggetti-strap tanktop with black lace around the collar. I was also wearing my denim mini-skirt that was only enough to cover my ass up with it. Edward didn't like it when I wore it around people but he did allow me to wear it when I was alone with him. ;)

"Okay. Go in and_ really_ dazzle him." He winked at me and I blushed at that.

So I walked towards his room, stood in the doorway, and looked at him with my "special" look with one hand on the door frame and one hand on my hip.

**Edward POV**

I was sitting in my room writing a song for Bella until I heard her come to my room. I looked up to see Bella in the doorframe but did a double-take. She was going to do something to me because she was eyeing me and she was wearing her mini-skirt.

"Hey, Edward," she said seductively.

"Hi...Bella." I murrured questionly. I put my papers down and sat in a more "formal" postition. She was giving ne one of "those" looks so she _was_ going to go something to me.

"Whatcha doin'?" she asked with a mischievious grin on her face.

"I'm writing a song for you." I said. **A/N: That's_ soooo_** **romantic Edward! **

"Why are you doing that when you can have fun with me?" She grabbed my shirt and pressed her lips to mine. She was going somewhere and liked it**. A/N: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!! Naughty, naughty!!!!! ;)**

"Okay, Bella," I said while grabbing her waist, "I'll 'play' with you." I pinned her to the ground, gave herr al these hikies, and kissed her juicy, full, rosy, red lips.

**Ten Minutes Later... :)**

After a long time on the ground, **A/N: No, they're not having sex; they're having an orgasm. **I heard Bella whine: "I'm cold! Let's go outside 'cause it's nice and warm out there."

"Of course Bella," I murrurred into her ear, "anything you want."

"Yay:D" she chirpped.

**Jasper POV**

Finally! They're gone! Now I can steal Fuzzy Fluffy McFluffensten. I went to th back of his closet, tore out the very back floorboard efforlessly, and threw it so that i hit Edward's computer.

"Yes!" I did my little Telletubbies dance and sang that Dora the Explorer song at the end of every show.

After that little "moment", I ran outside at vampire speed and gave the bear to Emmett.

**Emmett POV**

"Do you have it?" I asked Jasper.

"Yeah. I gots it right hurr, yo. Gangstaaaaaa..." He did one of his annoying ganster impressions _again_.

"Don't do that again." I said as I took the bear away from him.

"Okay D': "

"Now, I have the bear now, right?" I said to him.

"Yeah. Obviously." Jasper said sarcastically.

"I know, because I'm holding it."

"Yeah. Awsome."

"I know."

"I know you know."

"I know that you know you know you know."

"I know that you know that you know that you know that you know."

"Great."

"Okay, so recap."

"Okay, so you run-"

"Wait," Jasper cut me off. Bastard."I thought that you were the one that was going to run up to Edward, mastrbate, wipe your ass, and act all sexual with it, and then lick Bella's neck and say,"I'm saving you for dessert. ;)"

"No, it's you." I said nonchallantly.

"Why?!"' Jasper groaned.

"Because Edward will bite my head off. You know that temper of his."

"But-"

"Anyway," I interrupeted him, "_you_ go run up to Edward and do all that good stuff, you go lead him here, he steps over that rope I put up, and _plop! _goes the bucket of honey and seeds on him."

"Then we open that box full of bees and the cage full of birds over him?!"

"Yeah...sure..." That wasn't in the plan.

"Edward's going to be soooo pissed off at us." Jasper said as he smiled.

"I know, right?" I replied.

Jasper then ran off to the porch. **A/N: You can't wait, can you? ;)**

**Jasper POV**

As soon as I was at the porch, I took out Fuzzy Fluffy McFuffenstein and yelled, "Hey Edward, look who I have!!!"

**THE END!!!**

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tee hee...cliffy. anyway, review!!!!! ily!!!! 


	4. The Birds and the Bees pt 2

heres the next chapter for your pleasure unitl i have to go to la! i don't own twilight. stephenie meyer does. ily!

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**Recap!**

**_As soon as I was at the porch, I took out Fuzzy Fluffy McFluffenstein amd said, "Hey, Edward! Look who I have!"_**

**End Recap.**

**-OXOXO-**

**Jasper POV**

Edward's eyes widended as he growled menicingly.

"Hell yeah, faggot!" I screamed out victoriously, "I have your precious teddy bear and **YOU** don't!!!! HA!!!"

I then acted all sexual with it by wiping my ass, cock, and balls with it, French kissed its nose, and humped its leg. I then leaned over towards Bella to lick all over her neck.

"I'll save you for dessert, okay?" I whispered seductively into her ear.

And that;s when Edward snapped.

**Edward POV**

He said what now?

Okay, first off: no one touches Fuzzy Fluffy McFluffenstein except me. And I mean **me**.

Second: Jasper was not doing it right. You have to get the paws between the hot dog and the nut. _Then_ it feels good.;)

Lastly, No one -and I **_mean_** no one-can say that to myBella. If they do, I will make their life a living Hell for them.

I looked up at Jasper who was licking it all over and tasting its "area". **A/N: I know I'm perverted! That's why I changed the rating! ;D**

My eyes turned flat onyx as I roared with fustration, anger, and emmbaressment.

"Awww... Is little Eddie mad?" Jasper mocked.

"don't...call...me...**EDDIE**!!!!!!"I bellowed.

"Okay, okay," he giggled,"I won't but look at this!"

All I then heard was a ripping sound and the _plop! _of a stuffed animal head.

"Boy, did ya'll just do that? Mmmhmm..." Bella asked as she did her did her "Z" snap thing.

Jasper was shocked and I was shocked. He just ripped off Fuzzy Fluffy McFluffenstein's head. Forget the living Hell thing, I was going to absolutely **_maul _**him.

"Ooooooohhh...I'm dead now, right?"

"The **HELL** you are!" I shreiked.

**Emmett POV**

After a few minutes, I saw Jasper running away from Edward at vampire speed.

_Jasper_, I said in his head.

_What?_ he replied.

_I want to ask you a **really **important qusetion._

_Well, go for it._

_No, I mean that this is a **really** important question._

_Just go. _

_No, I seriously mean it._

_Go._

_Are you sure?_

_YES! JUST GO!!! DAMMIT!!! _

_Okay, Here goes: Are you gay?_

Jasper stopped dead in his tracks and said out loud: "What the** fuck**, Emmett?"

Edward bounded right into Jasper and said in a complaining voice: "What the Hell? Why did you stop?"

""Emmett's asking about my sexality!" he complained.

"Why?" Edward said flatly.

"I was just wondering. :3" I murrmurred in my most inocent tone.

"Well, Emmett, if you must know, I'm straight."

"Or are you?" Edward asked.

"Yes I am!!!" Jazzy whined.

"Fag!"

"Whore!"

"Cock sucker!"

"Your mom!"

"My mom's the same as your mom! So, oh! Third degree burn!"

"Yeah, but I'm from Texas!"

"What the _Hell?_ What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well-" I sneaked my way torards the big oak tree, got the cage full of birds and bees, untied the box of honey and seeds, and tip-toed my way back to Edward and Jasper where they were still arguing about Jasper's sexality.

I went up to Edward, dumped the box full of honey and seeds on him, and quickly threw the cage full of birds at him.

"Oh, **SHIT!!!**" he yelled as he ran (at vampire speed) around our backyard with bids pecking on his head, bees stinging everywhere around him, and his ultra-low blue jeans falling by the second. So he had to stop occationally to pull them up.

Jasper, Bella, and I were laughing our heads off, but I still had one more burning question:

"Hey, Jasper,"

"Yeah, Emmett?"

"Seriously, are you gay?"

I took that punch to the stomach as a no.

**!!!!THE END!!!!**

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so did you like it? the beginning part where jasper masturbates was inspired by my history teacher masturbated with my binder. he was a guy too! so it went like this: 

i was sitting around with my friends until mr.h (history techer) came to check my binder. while he was checking it, he was like, "perfect! oh yeah!amazing! yyyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!" but the one thing that he said that i will never forget, "OH YEAH! DOWN THERE! WHOO! THAT IS PERFECT! WHOO!! THAT FORM IS AMAZING! WHOOOO!!!" so im just sitting there thinking, _Holy shit, he's masturbating with my binder. Damn. Fuck this shit. Fuck this shit. Fuck this shit..._ and then after that, my friend carina (yes i spelled that right) said," Why do u have to have a perfect binder?" and i was like." i dont know. but now i wish that i didn't."

**LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL**

but anyway, review plz! c u in a week! if u dont know what im talking about, then go back one chaper and read the a/n.


	5. Photobucket, Youtube, and Toe Pumps

miss me? i had such a great time in L.A.! i saw all my cousins and everyone else. but go ahead and read. discliamer: i dont own twilight and stephenie meyer does. yeah. really. :l

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**Bella POV**

Now that phase one was done, it was time for phase two: BLACKMAIL

Today, Emmet was going to be recording Edward and I do with his new video camera because later today, he was going to show us a slideshow that Jasper and him made about Edward wearing his pumps. If Edward didn't do something nice to Emmett and Jasper, it was going on Youtube and the pictures were going on Photobucket.

So it was a normal day but Edward was wearing his ultra-long black jeans. You know what that means! He was wearing his pumps! I was sitting on his couch in his room watching him write a song (for our wedding**) A/N: They're engaged! **but then I asked "The Question".

"So, Edward, what kind of shoes do you wear?" I asked interestingly.

**Edward POV**

"So, Edward, what kind of shoes do you wear?" Bella asked me.

"Vans, DC, Element, stuff like that..." I answered nonchalantly.

"Is there anything else you wear?" she asked me again as if there was more behind the question.

"No."

"Are you sure?" she asked again with that same tone

"Yes."

"Really?" ;D

"Yes!"

"Are you sure that you don't wear-oh, I don't know-ultra-bright red high heel toe pumps?" ;D

_Oh, shit, she found out._ I thought.

How _did_ she find out? Oh how I wished that could read her mind right now! So I decided to play along.

"No Bella, I don't. Even if I did, then I would be a homo or whatever..."

I went back to writng my song until, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella mouthing words and gesturing at my window.

I looked up at her and said, "Bella, honey, what are you doing?"

"Nothing, Edward sweetie. I'm just waving to all the planes, helecopters, and birdies out there. Hi everybody! My names' Bella!What's yours?" **A/N: That's_ so_ like me.**

I looked out the window and saw noe of those things out there.

"There's nothing out there."

"Yes there is."

"No, Bella, there isn't."

"Yes there is."

"Honey, it's your imagination."

"That's what they want you to think."

"O...kay..." I went back to writing but saw an Emmett-shaped shadow on the side of my couch.

"Bella, is Emmett out there?" I looked up at her and her face looked like as if it was hiding something.

"No."

"But why is there an Emmett-shaped shadow on the side of my couch?"

"It's a growth."

"Oak trees don't have growths."

"Yes they do."

"What kind of growths?"

"Emmett-shaped growths."

"That's my question.Why is there and Emmett-shaped shadow on the side of my couch."

"The oak tree's sick."

"With what?"

"ESGCDV."

"What, may I ask is, ESGCDV?"

"Emmett-Shaped Growth Cancer Disease Virus."

"Now, how do trees get ESGCDV?"

"They fuck each other."

"So it's an STD, right?"

"No."

I stared at her in amazment as she stared at me.

"You never cease to amaze me." I felt like giving her a dummy smack but I couldn't. The laws of love say that I can't at all.

"I know. Why don't we go downstairs and go watch what Emmett recorded?"

"Okay."

So then we went downstairs to see Emmett's new video.

**o0O!The End!O0o**

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remember: review plz :)

ily to all of you that did!


	6. you will be james after you read this

ha!!!yeah...plz feel free to try to hunt me down and kill me. and i feel sorry for this so just bear with me. ok so i have summer school (even though i passed with 6 a 's and 1 b plus) so you wont see me for antother 20 days. and i have to go babysitting after i get home from school. so yeah . school and toddlers. but heres a part of the next chapter and im thinking that it will be the last one. but tell me if you want another chapter. ok thats all. heres the excerpt! (sp?)

-OXOXOXOXO-

Edward was shocked. No, more than shocked. He was absolutley flabbergasted.

"YOU TOOK PICTURES OF ME WHILE I WAS WEARING THESE?!" he bellowed.

"Oh, so you _admit _that you wear high heel toe pumps?" Emmett accused him.

"Bella, were you in on this?" Edward asked Bella.

She looked from side to side as she answered. "Maybe..." ;D

"Yes you were. I can tell that you're lying." Edward accused Bella.

"How do you know?"

"Your pupils are dilalating."

"No, I'm not. I have ESGCDV."

"I thought that only oak trees get ESGCDV, Bella."

"I _am_ an oak tree."

"What?!"

**-end.-**

ok i would put the rest but it gives away too much even though it doesnt look like it.

again, plz feel free to track me down, lure me to a ballet studio, suck my blood out, and leave me there to die.


	7. Photobucket,Youtube, and Toe Pumps

hey ! thuis is the final chapter of Eddie!! yay!!! ok but be sure to review ! and go to my profile to see stuff about the Twilight movie!! ok. i dont own twilight. stephenie meyer does.

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**Jasper POV**

You should have seen Edward's face while he was watching the video. But the funniest thing was that before-whatever, just read the fashback.

**!!!!!Flashy-Back!!!!!**

**Eddie:Edward vampy:Bella urmom:Jasper omelet:Emmett**

**(Translations at bottom. Don't worry! It will all make sense soon!)**

**Eddie::::comes down with Bella::::: So, what are you two doing?**

**urmom: Nothing... But come see our video, Edward... :::twiches eye:::**

**omelet:::says in raspy voice::: But before you can see it, GIVE US THE GIRL...**

**vampy: wtf? wat r u talking about?**

**Eddie: Why are you talking like that?**

**vampy: idk why im talking like dis **

**omelet: Bella, this isn't an MSN chatroom; this is imvu.**

**vampy: wth is imvu?**

**urmom: I/\/\/ll !5 4 3cl 1/\/\1\6 7h1n6 4\cl \/\/l-l3\ y()ll 74lk, 73hl23 4l23 l!7713 5p33(l-l 3ll33135 7l-l47 fl()47 43()\/3 y()lll2 l-l34cl. Bll7 !7'5 3451(4y 1/\/\1\6 w17h 4\/474l25. **

**Eddie: You know leet?**

**urmom: Of (()lll253 I cl()! Wl-l() cl()35'7? A 73h_ (()()l_ k1cl5 4l23 cl()1\6 !7.  
**

**omelet: O...kay...**

**urmom:Y()ll jll57 cl()'7 ll\cl3l2574\cl ll5!!!  
**

**omelet: Whatever. COME TO ME BELLA!!!!**

**vampy: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo DDDDDDDDDDD':::gets taped to couch:::**

**omelet: Now its your turn, Edward:::ties up Edward-I mean: High-Heel-Toe-Pump-Wearer!!!!:::**

**Eddie:I am_ not_ a High-Heel-Toe-Pump-Wearer, afslove!!!**

**afslove: Watever.**

**Eddie: Why am I in these things anyway? I WILL get you!!! Someday...**

**afslove: You're in those things because it's gonna make my story even funnier!!!**

**urmom: Ok4y...**

**vampy: n y _am_ i tlking like dis?**

**afslove: Muahahahahahaha-hey look! Shiny!!**

**!!!!!End Flashy-Back!!!!!**

Okay, so it went like this: Edward and Bella came down, we taped and stapled then to the couch, and taped their eyelids back so that they could watch the movie.

**Emmett POV**

****

I thanked my photoshop and multimedia teacher for teaching me this. Without her teaching knowledge of this subject, I would have never have been taught to do all these things without her teaching knowledge of these things. Because she's the teacher.

But anyway, onto Edward! Damn, his face was priceless. I couldn't really describe it but it was like in one of those horror movies where girl begins to scream like in the _Saw_ movies!!! Yeah. Something like that... I betcha we're going to win an Emmy for best Youtube video.

**oO0Three Minutes Later...0Oo**

**Jasper POV**

Edward was shocked. No, more than shocked. He was absolutley flabbergasted.

"YOU TOOK PICTURES OF ME WHILE I WAS WEARING THESE?!" he bellowed.

"Oh, so you _admit _that you wear high heel toe pumps?" Emmett accused him.

"Bella, were you in on this?" Edward asked Bella.

She looked from side to side as she answered. "Maybe..." ;D

"Yes you were. I can tell that you're lying." Edward accused Bella.

"How do you know?"

"Your pupils are dilalating."

"No, I'm not. I have ESGCDV."

"I thought that only oak trees get ESGCDV, Bella."

"I _am_ an oak tree."

"What?!"

"Yes, Edward. I am an oak tree. Just wait..."

She then ran out to our backyard and came back about three minutes later with oak tree parts, staples, glue, and tape all over her. I felt Edward get horny when he saw the leaf at Bella's va-j-j. **A/N: If you don't get it, just think about what it sounds like...tee hee...**

Emmett was the first to speak. "Where'd you get-"

Bella interrupted him. "You are not allowed to speak unless the Oak Tree Goddes gives you premission to!"

"But you just stapled and glued all these tree parts all over you." Edward said in one of his know-it-all tones.

"Sure I did..." ;D

"Bella, seriously, are you okay?"

"No, I am not!"

"Why?" Emmett asked.

"You two have spoken when the Oak Tree Goddess has not given you premission to speak!"

"Bella," Edward started, "you are not an 'Oak Tree Goddess'. Even if you were-hey, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Your right Edward," Bella said evilly, "I'm _not _a goddess. I'm...ANGEL,the vampire!!!!" **A/N: That's a good show. They show it on TNT at 6 and 7 am during weekdays.**

**Edward POV**

****

Oh, God. She's crazy. First the tree STD thing, then the 'Oak Tree Goddess' act, and now this!!! How could she do this when she had the real thing right here? Wait...&...$...ilikecheese!!!!!!...We're waiting, Edward!!!!!...

Oh! I get it now!!! She was acting like a vampire so I could bite her sooner! Smart, Isabella, smart.

"I'm going to kill Spike and get Buffy for **_myself_**!!!!!!!!!" She suddenly tore off her clothes effortlessly: revaling her black lace bra and underwear. That's when it happened.

**Emmett POV**

Whlie Edward and Bella were doing it on the floor, Jasper and I sneaked upstairs to Edward's Mac to Youtube account. I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking: How do we know Edward's password? It's obvious. His password is...B3llums!!!! Not it's not. It's password. Anyway, we loaded the video under his name and we saw he already had other videos like Charlie the Unicorn, Crazy/Angry German Kid, and the Numa numa Guy. **A/N: I have an interresting story about Charlie the Unicorn. **

So we waited until tit was finished and titled it "I Wear Pumps!!!!" It was now time.

**A Few Days Later...**

**Bella POV**

****

For a week or so, Edward didn't come to school because of the video Jasper and Emmett uploaded onto Youtube. They both told me that it had one million views in the first day. Mike teased Edward about that until he disappeared. I then saw a newspaper with the headline:

**Mike Newton's Body Found at La Push with Srange Bite marks on Neck**

Oh. So that's why Edward's eyes were a creepy red color. He said that he had astigma or someting and got colored contacts. Wow, I'm slow.

As I climbed into the car with Edward, I noticed I forgot something that i was supposed to do sometime ago.

"Edward," I began.

""Yes, Bella?"

"Who is Stella Anorexia? Are you cheating on me?"

_Then..._

**Emmett and Jasper** **Cullen Found Dead in Washing Machine**

-OXOXO-

afslove: So what have we learned, people?

someone from crowd: Never anger Edward!!

afslove: That's right, NAME WITHHELD.

antother person from crowd: And that's a qualitative observation!

afslove: No its not.

**!!!!The _Very _End!!!!**

* * *

Translations:

(They're in order when Jasper talks)

-Imvu is a 3d iming thing and when you talk, there are little speech bubbles that float above your head. But it's basically iming with avatars.

-Of course I do! Who doesn't? All the _**cool**_ kids are doing it.

-You just don't understand us!!!

-Okay...

So did you like it? I'll write more if you like my writing!! okay so anyway, Charlie the Unicorn was stolen off of by the guy who voiced all of the unicorns and then he put it on youtube. the video was accually made by this lady named typequeen. and if you have an imvu account, can you add me? im afsheart and i would love to talk to you!!! and don't be scared by the picture!! im really nice and funny!!


End file.
